You heard it first... kids SUCK!!!

Disclaimer: The views of Sumatyme in no way, shape, or form reflect the views of Identity Crisis as a whole. (Even if the shit is the truth and you sensitive motherfuckers can't handle it. Choke on it you fascist asses!)

For those new to these humble entries, this is the part of the show where John goes on a random rant. So for those who bruise easy (and suck), please feel free to surf elsewhere. You will be missed. ('Cause I have no friends.)

Seriously though kids (ages 16-22), may I have your attention? Of course I can't. That would take away from whatever social network you're updating. We don't give a crap about the size of the new deuce you just dropped. Don't get it twisted. Freedom of the internet has led to some amazing ideas meeting the light of day. But fuck good people! I have to draw the line at Rebecca Black's bowel movement of her new hit song "Friday."

36 million of you had nothing better to do but watch some over-indulged rich kid crash and burn on her pop dreams?!? (My better half included.) The irony of it is that by sucking royally, she is now more famous than artists who have been at it longer and are infinitely more talented (and I'm not even including IDC in that lament).

And for the sake of the generation after - because let's face it guys, you already blew it - PLEASE bring back proper English. If I catch one more Cali kid cutting words in half (e.g. "Man, this shit is redic!"), I swear I will start sterilizing every child I meet. It's not cool or cute. It makes you sound like you should have been on the short bus.

Now I can hear you already. "John, you're just old. You're out of touch." Well maybe, but I still know basic grammar, assholes.

And the skinny jeans. Oh fellas, the skinny jeans. Dammit that shit makes y'all look like extras from the Legend of Zelda with the big shoes and tights. Camel toe is for old ladies. This shit is like corsets for dudes. And ladies? You're not helping. If your guy wants to borrow your jeans, have the courage to stand up and say No!!! You bought those jeans to shape your ass, not his.

Well that ought to just about do it. Children, if I may leave you with one more thought: Just because your parents suck at life, that doesn't mean you have to one-up them. Oh yeah, and eat your vegetables... bitch.

Summers out.